The Magic of Bombay

Alright, as an out and out Delhi lover, this may seem like a difficult read for you as well, but everytime I go to Bombay, amazing things happen.

The first time I went when I was a kid, and I saw/met a few movie stars when family was doing a project there… for a kid under 10, that is pretty cool

Next time I went, was for a Joe Satriani concert, I traveled by train, I lived there by myself, I touched base with my fathers side of the family after ages, and got to see of the greatest guitarists of all time (which was the said purpose)

The third time was for a wedding in the family… lived with my cousins, realized how much I love my fathers side of the family and how much I feel I was missing out on, however, its never too late to bond.

However the amazing part was at 2 AM, Monday, 18^th April 2011

We were woken up to a stopped train to see our compartment hazy with smoke and the smell of burning rubber, I assumed it was some electrical short circuit and would soon be sorted out, 5 minutes later there was a shout

“Get out! Fire”

I expected those words to freak every one out, but people went about normally putting on their shoes and getting off the train, we (Brother and I) left the luggage behind cause we were right next to the kitchen so first instinct was to get out before a gas cylinder was to set off.

We got off the train, helped the too young and too old to cross the tracks into an empty wheat field where we put the blankets out on em and kind of sat around watching the 3 compartments of the train burn to a tender crisp. The rescue team came separated the train put it together with the non burnt part and within 6 hours we were on our way home again

It was amazing, Never have I seen so many people feeling so good after an accident, and they all had each other to thank, everyone helped everyone, people even found most of our luggage and found us to give it back to us. Everyone shared, the staff was amazing and, people even applauded once the train was moving again

I argued with a friend a while back, that if a crisis hits us, we will not have the decency to help each other, only our selves, and I used Japan as an example of people coming together. I was proved horribly wrong, and I hate it when that happens, but this time… to stand corrected was the best thing in the world

Hero worship is Under-rated #1

For those who know me well enough, know that I’m prone to hero worship, so I present to you my latest hero; Sylvester Stallone.

Before some of you jump to conclusions thinking that maybe I want to pick up boxing or workout a mean body then here is your answer, No. But here is why his life story is so inspiring.

To begin with, the man has a paralysed face, due to complications with his mother during his birth. Imagine the determination the man had, to make it as an actor despite not being able to talk properly. His first starring role was a soft porn movie, and although I can’t say for certain, but Sylvester claims he was paid $200 to do 2 days work.

A few movies later, the old porn movie star who could barely speak wrote “Rocky”, and refused to sell the script for the reason being he wanted to play the lead part. With a Million Dollar budget (which is peanuts for a movie of that magnitude, in the long run) Rocky today has made over 255 Million Dollars, followed by:-

5 more Rocky movies, 4 Rambo’s, and the birth, of one of the Greatest Action Heroes you will ever see, and he isn’t quite finished yet.

Ambition

I do not mean day-dreamers, I'm referring to those people who actually make the effort to go and get what they dream about. Ambition to me does not mean that one has to strive to own a house and a car and should dream of having a swimming pool and other luxuries, but it is simply striving to be the best you can be. One of my favorite examples is a gentleman named Devendar Sehgal, who is one of the best flair bar-tenders this country has to offer. He works in the city of Delhi, where the mentality equates bar-tenders to emotionless servicemen, and other bar-tenders make it hard for the likes of Dev because they truly don't give a crap about what they do, till date he has managed to maintain his drive, and that truly inspires me.

If are ever in town (New Delhi) and happen to go to this bar called Ricks (Taj Hotel) ask for Devender Sehgal, and ask him to make an original called "Oh Senorita". Have a chat with him, and find out what a true gentleman this man really is.

Quotes which I think I came up with no. 1

Its hard to make out the bigger picture if you stand too close to the smaller one inside

Comedy is Serious Stuff

Okay, I have put this off for a pretty long time so here goes...
Those of you who know, know that I'm trying to make it as a stand up comic/flair bar-tender, and after a long history of experimenting with NGO's, Zee Sports and NDTV, but after having jobs I  I feel like I belong. I know i have not been in the scene long enough to see if its going to last, but sometimes you just know...

Anywho, this piece is about some of the stuff I face as a new standup comic, and just a few do's and don'ts that have worked for me. This is NOT an expert advice column, just stuff that I have gone through as a noobie, I'm sure everyone has problems of their own with this field... but here are some of the things that I just wanted to let out.

Stage Fright? It will eventually go: June 2009, first five minutes on stage, friend told me to carry a glass of water on stage to calm the nerves, after the most 300 seconds of my life I realised the glass was half full (Yes I'm the positive type), and not because I drank it, I spilled it from all the shaking. Even Today every time I take a new stage there is a sense of nerves but eventually they settle, so keep getting back up there.

Blaming the audience does you no good: Yes, there are times where the audience is not the most excited one, but a lot of the audience depends on the organiser, and there are times where you just can't help it where even seasoned pro's will have a hard time, and I have not even performed to a drunken lot of scousers yet. When you get a bad audience, fair enough, but if half the acts are getting laughs and you did not manage the same then you need to review your act and not the audience.

My best moment in stand up: Well, the best moment in my stand up life so far was performing well in front of 300+ at the Indian Habit at centre auditorium. A very close second was when I had a terrible show at an open mic soon after, I got off stage, and... I did not feel bad after that, not one bit, they say you will learn more from your bad shows, and from that one I learnt that I had enough confidence in myself that even after a bad show, I knew I had good ones left in me.

Write Write Write: Oh this is a good one because they say you must practice what you preach. I Love writing, but only when I’m in the mood, which regrettably is very rare, and I’m the one who loses out, no one else. The more I write, the more material I have, the more material I have, the more good jokes that will come out of it, the math is quite simple really.

Don’t be afraid to fail: There was this one time where I was repeating a particular joke at every show, and man did it kill me eventually, now what has happened I can’t repeat this joke at any show till people forget it or a completely fresh audience. The thing about new material is that it won’t always work, even the funiest of comedians will struggle with new stuff… but the trick is to keep going at it, else you will be known as the guy who has 10 jokes and that is that.

Don’t Steal: There was this one time where I was so desperate for a laugh on stage I told a Mitch Hedberg joke knowingly, it did not work and I felt like I had murdered someone, its fair enough if you have think you have an original but someone has already did it. There was this one known comedian who had whacked out jokes straight out of Eddy Murphy’s Delirious, and I seriously stopped laughing half way through his set because even if he had an original joke in him, I was certain it was a stolen one, and if you are looking for a career in stand up, you will not get a single gig if you steal

Comedy is a bit like sex: Think of the audience as a woman who is ready to fornicate but is not quite turned on yet… if you jump right in with the “down and dirty” she is not going to take it well… similarly if you start your gig with really dirty jokes up front 8 out 10 times the audience will grimace, have a few warm ups ready before you get to the dirty stuff. 

Don’t lie to yourself: If you have had a bad show admit it, if you have had a good show, don’t be afraid to give yourself a pat on the back, and no matter what happens in the show, back yourself for the next one

Learn to deal with Hecklers: Many people have different ways to do it, some comedians are so good at put downs that hecklers don't dare to say anything, and some are so good with befriending the heckler that they feel guilty to heckle, but you have to make one thing clear, its your show and your time on stage

This is pretty much all I have for now, if any questions (Valid ones) you are free to post comments.

Woof Woof!

Things happen for a reason, my older brother was never the kind of kid who threw tantrums, but 17-18 years ago he refused to get off the school bus until our mother got us a pet dog. Perplexed by the situation our mother did what any parent would do when a child is being difficult, she tried to con us. 

She picked up an injured stray from the neighbourhood assuming we would eventually get bored of it in a day or 2 and she would set him back with his pack once again. Thank the stars that plan back fired and Guchoo ended up staying with us for a full 13 years. He was a truly wonderful and hassle free dog, to the extent that he did not even bother us when he went and decided to quietly pass away in his sleep.

Things happen for a reason, and for some strange reason my younger cousin picked up a sick stray and threw a tantrum that it needed to be taken care off. It was quite a delicate moment for us because we had just witnessed the death of a friends pup a few weeks before. We got this frail pup to our house and moments later it excreted nothing but blood, we called a vet and even she said that he most likely would not make it, but told us a few things we could do to make it easier for him

Miraculously, he survived and we tried very hard to put him up for adoption, but in this era of pure breeds and pets also being a material object to a household, no one wanted to adopt this surprisingly white stray. We were hell bent on getting this dog another home, but somehow it just did not work out, and it was too late, Kaaju had become a part of the family.

My family has loved many a dogs, but none quite like Kaaju, we unanimously dote on him and he is as spoilt as a stray can be. A great mix of energy and love its hard to imagine that this fit, fully grown, energetic, non-drooling specimen was so close to death.

Things happen for a reason, and if it were not for the tantrums thrown by the youngest and the oldest brothers in my mother’s side of the family, I do not know how much happiness would this family have missed out on. I wish I was the one who came up with the words which follow

"A dog has no use for fancy cars or big homes or designer clothes. Status symbol means nothing to him. A waterlogged stick will do just fine. A dog judges others not by their color or creed or class but by who they are inside. A dog doesn't care if you are rich or poor, educated or illiterate, clever or dull. Give him your heart and he will give you his." 

- John Grogan

The Devotee

This one is in tribute to a friend of mine, as he probably shares the most intimate relationship with God. If I ever question the existence of God, his relationship with the almighty puts any doubt to a serious test. There are a few more people who help me appreciate of God, but not quite like him.

He never needs a reminder to say his prayers and does not pray only when in need, but even when life is good.
He will say grace before every meal, be it a road side sandwich, a home cooked meal, or a dinner at a 5 star, and has never forced me to be a part of it, but every time he says his grace, I wait for him to finish.
He never prays out loud, or makes a show of his devotion.  If he interrupts a conversation to take a moment of silence, he will still apologise to a fellow human being if he may have been rude.
Never has he questioned God’s judgment, and probably never will.
At the most harsh of times, he will thank all his blessings but he never counts them or says how limited they might be.

Luke Dewars, I believe God has a plan for you, because you daily whispers are too loud for the almighty to ignore